*A draft that has been sitting here waiting to be posted its unfinished but honestly I just haven’t had the motivation to finish it*
Today was hard.
It was the first family get together without you.
I thought I would be okay for the most part. I knew the small waves of sadness would hit me a few times but I thought I’d at least have the support of mom to help me through that.
But that was not the case at all.
Of course she was a “we” today…she brought him to the cookout.
And she didn’t really help matters by wearing your hat.
You were the person who helped me through these types of things. I’m not exactly the most social person and I tend to shut myself off from people when I’m feeling overwhelmed. At least with you around I had someone I felt comfortable talking to when all I wanted was to shut down. You and I were a lot alike in that way though. Both kind of loners at big events.
All of these things just came at me at once today. This sounds so stupid but the absolute breaking point was mom looking at the open seat right across from me and choosing a completely different table instead, with him of course.
Letters to My Brother 